Delusion-Elle

I'm finding it hard nowadays to write poetic stuff. :(

I remember this quote... "You've got to suffer for your art", and I think it's true.

So I guess I'm not suffering enough, which (in a strange way) pisses me off. When I pick out neat little melodies on the piano, I don't think that that's due to any sort of emotion -- it just sounds good. But when I'm feeling really awful, I just go crackers with improvisation to calm myself down. I never remember anything I improvise nor do I try to. Improvisation is free emotion -- no thought, no planning, just expression.

But with lyrics, I feel like I need to plan them and that never works out. Actually, it worked out... once. But that was after I had the intro done so I guess that's cheating? Actually, I think that's how I work best: intro -> lyrics -> chords. Everything else I have already written lyrics for are too complex instrumental-layering-wise (in my head) to be translated into song right now. Yes, sometimes piano just doesn't do it. :(

Actually, I think that one of the best combos is voice + piano + strings. That would be good enough for a lot of my current projects. And I mean, I could go on and on about this, but I'll stop.

And now for something I wrote year(s?) ago which seems to apply to myself every so often. Just a poem, not a song...
Some sort of forbidden infatuation
Playing mind games with the heart
Has me wrapped around his little finger
Undoing what I've built up over the years
It started innocently, smile and laughter
Unrequited, something deadly I won't allow myself
To follow blindly after
I cannot step in and ruin the fairytale
Even if my heart lusts for the end
Senses deceive the sensibilities
And I hold back just once more
And must hold back just a little longer
Until I can be rid of him
His light and happy words
Which control my day, twist my fate
A strange click of the minds
And I turn away, eyes blind
To the acceleration in my chest
Wanting not to feel the constant reminder
Of disobedience tugging at me
Asking to be tried on for once
A temptation just below the surface
Never to come to fruition as some dreams
Never come true