WARNING: 1AM musings/whinings which may frustrate you. Or just make you hate me more. Which is good, because that's what I was aiming for.
I suppose that I owe it to you to explain myself. I have officially screwed up 4 co-op interviews now. Yes, 4. Four. FOUR. And the worst part? I thought that all 4 of them had gone fairly well. I must be losing my touch in terms of reading people. There was not a single question that I left unanswered.
What am I doing wrong? I smile, I talk, I don't get the job. Four times. I've gone for mock interviews with my coordinator and the only thing she really says I can work on is the depth of my answers. Apparently I'm shallow. Or at least that's how I answer questions. The co-op coordinators have all of these acronyms for everything. I just can't follow them. Acronyms are too set in stone. I struggle to answer anything according to acronyms.
An example of my shallow answers occurred in my last mock interview with my coordinator. She asked about how I was using JavaScript on my webpage and my experience with JavaScript in general. I said that I was following the tutorials on a website to try and get the basics and syntax down, and then I explained exactly what I was using the JavaScript for on my website (collapsible menu, blah blah, aesthetically pleasing, blah blah, practical use, blah). And yet, I'm still shallow. Apparently I'm supposed to delve into how I actually went about trying to code that menu. Like, did I follow a template? Did I try to copy code? I guess the thing is that it's all so obvious to me what I did that I'm having problems thinking of that sort of thing when I discuss my projects.
I'm starting to lose all hope. The only things keeping me going are Kamelot and the fact that my friends are wishing me luck and just overall think that I'm doing well already just by landing so many interviews.
But that's all just technical writing. That's the kind of crap that I'm good at. Then, shouldn't I have more interviews lined up? My queue is empty right now.
In short, I'm just really really down about this whole co-op thing. I'm feeling like a failure who can't do anything right. I mean, I don't take these interviews lightly. I get nervous and jittery and awkward over them just like anyone else. And yet, you'd think after 4 interviews maybe I'd have smartened up or something would've clicked in my brain to actually get some success rolling in.
What is wrong with me? Why won't anyone hire me? What am I doing wrong?
What's worse is that I feel like people call me in for an interview based on my name with a specific image/demographic in mind. And then I waltz in and "oh snap, we already interviewed 2 Asians, we thought she would be white, eh -10000000 mental hirability points".
Sorry for whining. It's just that... I tell my friends and they're still optimistic. I tell my mom and she's pretty much like "that's the way the cookie crumbles, it's not your fault". And a part of me wants someone to say that yes, it is most definitely my fault. Because I suck and I'm a failure. Someone just confirm it please.
Thing about co-op is that it's just a way to have you heart broken over and over and over again. It's like life, really. All the great, fantastic, good-looking, awesome people get jobs and don't get their hearts broken. Meanwhile, the rest of us go from job posting to job posting, hoping and praying that maybe this one will be The One to finally not reject you.
/okaythisgottoopersonal
Thing about co-op is that it's just a way to have you heart broken over and over and over again. It's like life, really. All the great, fantastic, good-looking, awesome people get jobs and don't get their hearts broken. Meanwhile, the rest of us go from job posting to job posting, hoping and praying that maybe this one will be The One to finally not reject you.
/okaythisgottoopersonal
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