Delusion-Elle

I think that music makes me happier than anyone or anything else. I can't even put into words how hyped up I get when I'm about to listen to Kamelot or if I find a new, catchy song to listen to. So yeah, that's all there is to it.

WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIIIIIII-EEEE-IIIIIII-EEEE-IIIIIIIIIIIIIND?!

With my CPSC 221 project done and out of the way, I can now focus on the bazillion and one other things I have to do. These include my unfinished 221 lab, 213 lab, 221 written assignment, and studying for a 213 quiz on Tuesday. Unfortunately these things aren't due until next week or so. This can only mean one thing: Procrastination.

Oh, and this coming weekend is the NHL All-Star weekend!! Which means very little work is going to get done.

That being said, I feel like if I just get down to it, I will get things done. That's strangely how things seem to work out for me; I struggle and whine and try my best, and sometimes with a little help, things work out okay in the end. I just wish that the struggling would diminish.

I swear to God, I cannot sit at the back of the long/articulated bus in the mornings anymore. And the reason is that there's this couple always sitting back there. And they talk. And PDA all over the goddamn place. I just want to sleep, thank you very much. So I sit with all the single riders at the back of the front half, even though I feel like I should be sitting on the back since I get off at the last stop and all. Eurgh.

These past few days I haven't been getting any good amounts of sleep so I've been passing out on the bus. Luckily it's always been for just the right about of time. I should be sleeping now and catching up, but you know me. I must subconsciously be a masochist. Or maybe I'm just afraid of the next day coming so quickly. I don't know.

Volunteering today was good. I am in no way a good teacher, but it seems like my two students are starting to get the hang of reading music, though very very slowly. I'm starting to wonder what it was like for me when I was learning how to read music and play piano. It was so very long ago that I have absolutely no recollection of it; I just have a codex in my head of all the notes and key signatures and things. Though, it's definitely something that comes with practice.
Admittedly, the best part of the day was when my students asked me to play something and I played an intro to something I wrote back in grade 11 and they really liked it. :) +50 SELF-ESTEEM.

... is it weird to have started playing the piano at the age of 5? I mean, my students were surprised when I told them, but then they're in grade 3 now, which is... 8 years old or so? But whatever, I never did ARCT so any sort of "oooh ahhh" factor to that fact is negated by my noobiness. It's just that everyone I know who plays the piano that I've talked to started at an early age (usually 5-6).

And to me, this has been old-ish news for a while now, but the fact that OH NOES internet usage will be charged for in Canada is finally making waves in the news! Admittedly, I see the lucrative side of this and I totally understand why companies would want to do this. But this also makes me sad because I don't have oodles of money to feed my internet addiction. :( Sorry, mom and dad. Also, this whole "Canadians are too plugged in to their computers/Internets/social media/etc." point reminds me of how Blenz is going to be offering red bands to single people to put on their coffee to show that said coffee-drinker is single and ready to mingle. Vancouver is a sad sad city, is all I have to say.

Also, I made friends today with my 221 lab partner's friend. They know each other from the shared year or two at the private school they both attended (before one did IB -- OVERACHIEVER ALERT!). I am sad to say that west side private school kids are not as bad as I thought they were. I mean, they're nice guys. And smart. It seems highly unfair that they are nice, smart, AND rich. The only thing is that I get the feeling that they are bit hoity-toity. Like, I swore in front of them and they seemed extremely bothered by it. Did they not understand that I was under intense pressure to finish a project on top of a 6:30AM wake-up?! Oh right, yeah, west side kids' commute to UBC is like half of mine. [/rant] Okay, yes, I'm jealous. I admit it. I'm probably about as green as the Green Giant now. Lovely. It's unbecoming, I know, but it's not like I care.

Have a comic!:

I feel so panicked about school right now, it is not even funny. It's like for some reason I just can't make myself think properly or code or ask for help. I'm just stewing in my failure and letting myself be helpless.

Apparently it's possible to incorporate the word "Vancouver" into song lyrics:


BRB JUMPING OFF OF BUCHANAN TOWER.

As I am currently stumped on my CPSC project, my boredom has peaked and I've decided to set my anagramtastically-named Facebook account open to friend requests. Oh snap, guys.

I'll try to keep this as short and non-pathetic as possible.

[angst]
Today there was enough snow to scare people shitless regarding getting to school. Which, I'm guessing, is why my bus was almost completely full this morning. Full of UBC students, that is. Only 2 people got off at Cambie. This was 7AM, people. 7-freaking-AM. Don't y'all have to Canada Line to work?! The most uncomfortable parts of the ride were the fact that I had to stand until Kerrisdale (25 min. while being sleepy enough to pass out?) and that my section of the bus was full of couples being all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. Or the couple equivalent of that. With much more physical contact and locking of gazes. Yeurk!

My lectures today were alright, though my lab was... horrid. The 213 labs are split into two chunks: a 1-hour session of instruction/tutorial, and the 2-hour lab portion. Today was the 1-hour chunk and: 1) there were no TA's at all, 2) the girls I tried to talk to (I was sitting next to them) gave me clipped answers to questions and then they introduced themselves to each other, 3) the one friend of mine in that lab was sitting with HER guy friends, 4) the guy behind me was clearing his throat every 3 seconds in a most annoying manner that drove me absolutely crackers (me and my 5 hours of sleep), 5) I had no idea what to do in lab.

I think the fact that I cannot even be social with members of my own sex had me feeling the worst. That coupled with my usual sentiments of self-loathing just made today miserable. UNTIL I went to volunteering. It felt good focusing on someone and something else.

And I did no work today, but right now I don't give a flying fig. I feel like I just have to plod through the days until... Until what?
[/angst]

Also, this made me snicker:

POSERS.
(It amuses me greatly when they're synchronized. Because that's totally how you say "hi" in Québec. Right, Fleury, right?)

Like all good Canadian teenagers/young adults, I spent my evening watching the gold medal game of the WHJC where Canada took on the Russians in Buffalo, NY, at HSBC centre in front of a sea of red and white. For this entire tournament, I swear, it's like Canada annexed Buffalo what with all the Canadians there for the WJHC.

After ousting the tournament favourite (USA), Canada was feeling good. We wanted the USA after clobbering the Swiss, and we got them. The biggest act of revenge was over and done with. But we wanted gold, too. Oh, alas, it was not meant to be.

I moseyed on over to the live stream on TSN and participated a bit in the Facebook live chat that was going on while Canada dominated the first period with two solid goals. The second period saw another goal by Canada, but it became clear, most notably during the Canadian power plays, that Russia was starting to wake up. After a 3-0 lead for two periods, Russia charged back in the third with 5 unanswered goals, earning themselves gold medals and the title of champions.

Yes, I admit that I am not thrilled with the results, but considering that this Canadian team had no "superstars" and that they were in no way favourites, they did manage to snag silver. That in itself is quite a feat considering the fact that their pool included some tough opponents.

That being said, the fallout on Twitter was... well, interesting to say the least. Throughout the game, various player names and "Gold Medal Game" trended. After the game, the list of trending topics was invaded by various Russian players' names as well as "National Travesty" and "Soviet Russia". I have to say that "National Travesty" was borderline ridiculous and originated from a tweet by a certain Canadian World Juniors superstar from a few years ago. I admit that I got quite a few kicks out of the "Soviet Russia" trending topic as "In Soviet Russia ..." jokes cropped up, the majority of which contained a bittersweet hockey twist.

In Canada, hockey is srs bznzz, folks. You do not deny this country a gold medal in ice hockey. Ever.
All I can say is that Russia had better watch out next year, when the games will be held on Canadian soil.

Some good did come of this disastrous game, and that includes Brayden Schenn's goal which has him tied for the record of most points in the WJHC. Good on him!

Another good thing that came of this was that I made amends with a friend I hadn't talked to in 6 months.
"How about them sneaky Russians?"

In other news, I think I may have pulled a leg muscle after slipping and falling (into a violent half-split) on the bus this morning. It kind of hurts to crouch down or even go down and kneel.

ALSO. I'm in for co-op! :) This means that every Thursday 12 - 2PM I'll be in a co-op workshop meeting thing. Despite the fact that that means I'll be seeing high school buddies less, my epically long 4.5-hour break will not be quite so long.

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

I am done with Math 200! For this term, at least! D: Who knows if I did well enough on the final to pass. T____T Honestly, that was the worst final exam I've ever written. The questions that I was able to do were all of the ones that were only worth, say, 10 marks. And even then, they were multi-part questions and I undoubtedly fecked up some of the parts. It's a very unnerving feeling when you've got an 11-page exam in front of you and you leave about 3 of those pages blank (for a total of 27 marks lost right there) because you have no idea what to do, and then have a completely filled page where you were not able to find an answer even after wasting a good 30 minutes on that half a question that you KNOW you should be able to do, but just cannot. That being said, a lot of people (read: 3 other people who I know are smart) found the exam hard, and at least it seems like the questions I did answer were done correctly. It is definitely nice knowing people writing the same exam to bus home with. The bus ride went by extremely quickly.
Anyway, enough grousing about Math 200. I've got a few days off to prepare for my music history exam which will have some multiple choice questions and be essaytastic -- a nice change of pace from madly scrambling to  fail epically at doing math problems, methinks.

And here's another bit of randomness that I found on Cracked about the dark origins of those much beloved fairytales. I remember reading the Grimm brothers' version of Cinderella way back when I was young, and it absolutely freaked me out. And my mom made it a point to never borrow a Grimm version of a fairytale from the library ever again.

I just had this weird thought. Everything is just time. All we're ever doing is waiting for it to pass.
Ah, and now it's gone.

And to bring up Math 200 one last time: if someone can solve the following question, please do and tell me how to do it!
Question: Find the point P(x, y, z) that is the shortest distance from the origin given the constraint x³y²z=3√6
This question will bother me for a very long time, I think. I tried using LaGrange multipliers and the basic distance formula (√(x² + y² + z²)), but then I realized that the minimum would be the same (for the distance formula) if I squared it and used the slightly friendlier x² + y² + z². And then I used up the entire page trying to manipulate a crapload of stupid equations that gave me... diddly squat. Or maybe it did give me something, if you think that x¹² could possibly be part of a valid second-year Math problem's solution.


*scurries off to read up on long dead composers from the Middle Ages*

EDIT: Apparently pasting that bit from my prof's e-mail about University Boulevard being closed on Saturday got me some hits on Google. Jesus Christ. Is it REALLY necessary to Google that whole sentence, people?!
Also, I learned today that University Boulevard is that road leading from the old bus loop into the village that the 99 B-Line (as well as the 17 and maybe more I believe?) takes.
And for good measure:
"Due to street paving and arborist work, University Boulevard will be closed to all traffic on Sat, Dec 11 from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm.   Buses will be re-routed.   Other access routes to campus are not affected."
SEE THIS SENTENCE? LOOK ABOVE IT IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH ROAD UNIVERSITY BOULEVARD IS.
And because I am kind and benevolent, I am going to advise going along 16th and down Wesbrook Mall at the ginormously useless roundabout. Unless the Wesbrook Mall/University Boulevard intersection will also be affected. Then oh well. Sucks to be you. I only know as much as the next schmuck.

I admit it. A.Ng, you're right. Guys in CPSC are creeps. v_____v
Small anecdote for the day:
So two CPSC classes ago, this random guy sat down next to me. I was listening to my prof, with my Math notes out (IDK why) and he turned to me and asked (in broken English that I will paraphrase here): "Are you taking Math?" He was also kind of whispering so I eloquently blurted out a hearty "What?". He repeated his question and I answered it. I went back to paying attention in class and a few seconds later he asked me if I found Math hard and a plethora of other questions that I can't remember now, but I know that I misheard them all initially because I was in a somewhat irritable mood from being forced to socialize and I'm really starting to think that I listen to Mozart at very unhealthy decibels. Yes, I'm blaming Mozart for this one.
I think I sent out enough "pls don't talk to me plox" (redundancy ftw!) vibes that he leaned back and started to talk to my friend/project partner/the psycho I sit with behind my back. Which felt a little weird in a physical sense, but I honestly didn't care in a socialization sense.
Fast forward 48 hours and we're back in CPSC class, but this time the dithering doofus is sitting next to my project partner. Whew. So he's asking her about Math and CPSC and then he asks for her number and e-mail. After she gives them to him, he asks me for mine. And being the kind, benevolent person that I am, I gave him my contact information. Luckily nothing came of that. For me.
On the other hand, my project partner is not so lucky. Apparently he's been texting her -- at first he was asking about Math and CPSC, but then he texted this: "do u have a boyfriend?" This was followed by "wat's your zodiac sign?".
And suddenly I knew that yes, A.N., you are sadly right about guys in CPSC. =____=

Just going to keep to myself for a few days, maybe build up a collection of "S@#& my mom says" quotes, work on my project. Just not feeling very social or talkative. Sorry. T____T

I'm just sick of so many things.
*whine whine whine angst angst angst*

Just a bit of randomness from today...
I don't advise reading this unless you are really rather bored and you have a vague idea of who I'm talking about when I say "Swedish friend" and "creep in my CPSC class".

So I was complaining about a certain creepy bastard in my CPSC class to my Swedish friend and after being told this:
"PUNCH HIM PUNCH HIM PUNCH THE CREEPSTER [/bad influence]"
I explained that as much as I'd like to punch the creep (who is kind of a douchecanoe for reasons beyond being overly friendly and socially awkward), he is still bigger than me and I'd like to survive thnx v. much. So I was then told this:
"Tåria, I've said it before and I'll say it again, because it bears repeating: LOW KICK. Seriously. It makes more damage the bigger your opponent is. Ten million Machops can't be wrong."

HAHAHA. TEN MILLION MACHOPS CAN'T BE WRONG. OH LORRRRRRRRRRRD. xD
I almost started rofl'ing right then and there in class.
That might've scared the creepster off, though, come to think of it.
Dayum.

I need to organize my life, because after what happened and everything in between, I am a wreck. I probably don't seem like it, but I am. And I NEED TO ORGANIZE MY LIFE.
Or else I will end up like a hermit living in that addictive shoutbox, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE WHO FREQUENTS IT. Except everyone else is taking yay Arts courses so they can afford to blab in there all day long.
And as much as I love those people (who I really shouldn't connect with on so many levels, but do), I need to stop talking to them so much and wasting away my real life.
- look into how to set up resume properly for co-op WORKSHOP - OCT 7
- ask about exchange co-op possibilities? CHECK UBC CAREERS DATABASE FOR INTERNSHIP
- KEEP ON TOP OF THINGS FOR MATH
- DO MATH HOMEWORK (X2)
- go for a Music Library tour
- WRITE RATIONALE STATEMENT
- LOOK AT SIGHT INTERVAL EXERCISE fail
- read for CPSC
- read for Math

SEE HOW MY LIFE HAS GONE DOWN THE GUTTER?
My life is fecked.

This song. At night, before sleeping. I swear. I am tripping.
And the video is WOW. JUST WOW. It's so sad, but cute and sweet.
IF YOU DON'T FEEL YOUR SOUL FLYING AWAY AT 1:50, YOU ARE NOT HUMAN.
Or you're really ignorant. Or I'm just tired and want to call you names.

Okay, so we got some "designer cupcakes" recently.
And I just want you all to know... THAT THEY REALLY AREN'T ALL THAT 'DESIGNER'.

Honestly, what part of this thing screams "designer"?!?! NOTHING.

Though, the cream stuff does taste very sweet, and slightly buttery.
Do note that the cupcakes' packaging included a sticker that said "STRAWBERRY DAREDEVILS!" on it.



And according to my Last.fm friends, I'm a modern female Swedish Tarzan. LAWWWWWL All I have to say to that is: Jag infart, du utfart (which is what got me into trouble in the first place *headdesk*).

Is it better to be complete and utter crap in Science or happy and able to get relatively decent marks in Arts?
Science = jobs
Arts = no jobs that I want (no, I'm not patient or nice enough to be a teacher, I think) or the awesome sauce I want is virtually unattainable.

Things I want (in approx. order I want):

• French degree
• Music degree
• Psychology degree
• English degree

But what do you do with a French/Music/Psych/English degree? I think I'd be down with any of those. A Science degree? I don't know. Sometimes I think I can hack it and reap decent rewards from a job in the Comp Sci field, but there are other times when I really don't think I can do it.

And I don't know what I want anymore.

As in Mad-Eyed Moody!
Nah, I'm just kidding. WG & AN blogged tonight (yesterday?) so I felt like blogging too. Hurrah for peer pressure! :)

Time is running out to catch up with schoolwork, and I've stopped caring about anything and everything school related. But life isn't about lollygagging around and doing things you want to do. No of course not. That'd be far too easy and we can't have life being easy now, can we?

Had a loltastic talk with WG today. x) I don't think I can ever talk to her without actually lol-ing at the screen and getting weird looks from my brother.

Just a little warning in advance, this is probably going to be a somewhat self-absorbed post.

I'm listening to that "Calling to the Night" song again and it's got a chokehold on my heart. Every time I hear it, I come close to crying. I know that it's already inspired the start of a story that's gone onto my brainstorming notepad file. But I'm forcing myself not to do any writing right now. I know that if I do, I won't be able to do any more schoolwork or studying, which is why I had to finish that story. It was stealing my time and energy. I want to sing this song so badly. But people are in bed and the house is not empty. I wish I was standing on the corner of a busy intersection of endless traffic. I like that feeling of being there, but not quite at the same time. And the noise is loud enough to cover my voice.

I don't even know what I want anymore. Sometimes I think being in a relationship would be nice. But I also think that I enjoy my solitude. I love my friends and sometimes I think that there is no room for anyone else in my life. But I shouldn't even think about these sorts of things. These thoughts just make me feel weird. In the end, I know that I could do just fine by myself. Relationship talk makes me feel weird. I know I'm young, I know that I shouldn't believe in words like "never". But I don't know. I don't want to know.

Well, I think I've just got to study Math hardcore, review some more Physics, and try and finish CPSC lab 5 (from before the reading break lololol) before school starts again.

Reading Break edition.

• study Physics --> never-ending
• study Math --> never-ending
• English proposal
• CPSC lab
• prep Physics lab
• Psyc reading
• Phys reading --> will put off until after midterm
• CPSC reading

Wow, I'm kind of screwed.  I don't even know where to start. I just want to roll up into a little ball and die.

Well, okay, maybe not that, b-b-b-but... DO NOT WANT.

EDIT: Latest site of distractions: TVtropes.org
I never even noticed some of these things before. And the Gaussian Girl totally appealed to my inner geek. I realized that in HIMYM, Lily & Marshall are totally the Beta Couple. I'm really ADD right now.

Marks are almost all up.
I just need my Phys 100 mark (which I foresee as being epic fail). :(
Math is fail.
English is... surprisingly good.
CPSC was also... surprisingly good. Like uber surprisingly.
Chem is... a pleasant surprise. I was expecting a C. :O

Okay.
So now I just need to hunt for this chapter I wrote for some story.
NEVER EVER WRITE A STORY ON 2 DIFFERENT COMPUTERS. YOU WILL SCREW YOURSELF OVER. AND YOU WILL BE MISSING CHAPTERS. D:

That is all.

EDIT: ASDFJKL; THE CHAPTER IS OFFICIALLY MISSING. IT'S NOT ON EITHER COMPUTER. OR MY USB... TO THE USB-MOBILE D:
EDIT2: Feck. Not there either. T_________T

I'm becoming kind of screwed for Christmas gift shopping if we're doing a gift exchange on the 23rd since that was the day I was going to go shopping again. D:

Anyone up for Xmas shopping anytime soon? T___T

I first woke up at 8am this morning, but thankfully I fell asleep again. I next woke up at 10-something and then I think that I was in and out until 11:30am.

I think that this dream occurred between 10-something and 11:30am.

So I was at Metrotown. Ya, already sounds pretty freaking lame, right? >_> So I was at an HMV of some sort. Remembering one specific scene, I know that it's the one I used to work at several floorplans ago. I spotted some Montreal Canadiens history DVD thing that my dad had voiced some interest in. Actually, I remember checking it out for him last Christmas. D: Anyhow, I looked at it in my dream and somehow consulted my mom about it. She wasn't actually there with me in the store, but it was like it cut to a grey-white dream sequence type of a thing where my mom wasn't actually physically visually there, but I knew she was advising me. o___o So yeah. Back to shopping at HMV, the dream sequence thing ended and I was like, "Hey, where'd it go?!". I think that someone bought it while I was in dream sequence land =_______=. Anyhow, I left and wandered around to where Superstore is. Except I didn't go to Superstore. I went to the Beard Papa's spot. But it wasn't a Beard Papa place. It was a Baskin Robbins. -___- I was pretty thirsty at the time and I was hungering for a tasty milkshake. I actually debated getting one of those mango/strawberry/kiwi smoothies, but for some reason I knew that I had already had one... earlier that dream...? Er, so I stared at the flavours for a bit. Beside me was some asian chick who turned and started talking to me as if she knew me (HA, STORY OF MY LIFE) and then she started chatting up one of the workers there as she knew him apparently *shrug*. I lined up, ignoring her annoying chatter, and decided that I would ask to try some samples before deciding on a flavour for the milkshake. Also, one of my supervisors was working there as a lowly nub worker. 'Twas strange so I didn't really say hi to him. So this blonde chick was ahead of me in line and had asked to try some weird purple/white/orange flavour (that I was going to ask to try too) and the manager there noticed that the flavours were tagged wrongly or something. And then I wondered if maybe I should get a scoop of ice cream instead of a milkshake.
The worst part: I woke up before getting to sample any ice cream!!!!

GUYS, I AM ROYALLY PISSED AT MYSELF FOR WAKING UP. D:<

So apparently there are going to be 7 people at this movie marathon.
._.
What the FAIL?
Apparently by having it on NYE, he lost a bunch of asian friends going.

...
lololol
And now he says that 7 is a good number of people.

EDIT: So he told me that he has an extra ticket for the Giants game. o_o
6-1 = 5 - 1 jackass = 4 - 1 me = 3 of his friends
Omfg HOW FAIL IS THAT?
...
OMFG HOW AWKWARD IS THIS GONNA BE? D:

Math final was brutal. :(

Still don't understand why so chatty.
But I invited him & his girlfriend to skating. So there.
I at least feel like I'm the better person.
Still sense that his movie marathon is going to be uber awkward. For me, anyway.
Why the hell does he want me there?
I'm not part of his "gang".
This is going to bother me until it actually happens and everything turns out all hunky-dory or horribly bad.

Studying seems pointless. I'm going to bomb everything anyway. It seems unavoidable.