These days, I'm not generally one to write out my thoughts. Part of the reason behind this is that I just don't have the time. I have a hefty amount of schoolwork to contend with as well as obligations to my family and boyfriend. Life is good, but it's giving me very little room to breathe and reflect.
I'm not exactly sure what the nature of this post will be exactly, but I came here with my head full of thoughts caused by a certain tumblr post as well as heart full of self-love... and of course a lack of motivation to do my homework.
I remember wallowing in self-pity. I remember wanting to be in a relationship so badly. I remember looking at friends and strangers, looking at all of the ones in relationships and focusing on them and their happiness. I remember going to work and plastering a smile on my face every time I dealt with a customer who had brought their significant other up to the counter with them. It hurt. It felt like the world wished to spite me. "Hey, you can't get into a relationship, so let me bombard you with happy couples! NYAH NYAH!" It was tough, and I truly had deluded myself into believing that I would be alone forever. And I was not okay with that.
See, the thing is that loneliness and being alone is intrinsic to existing and living and being human. There will be times when loneliness will strike. There will be periods of your life when you will be alone. And sometimes you may not even physically be alone, but isolation will still live in your heart. Being alone is natural. You need to be alone. Not all the time, no, for loneliness can be its own brand of poison, but for periods of time you do. You need time alone to sort yourself out. You need time alone to get to know yourself better. There is nothing wrong with being alone, and this is something that we as a society need to accept, believe, and champion. And that is what is wrong with tumblr.
Tumblr is no different from the rest of society in a way, but at the same time it's a more concentrated version. Tumblr is where the insecure teenagers flock. Tumblr is made for those who are alone -- infinite scrolling on a dashboard tailored to your tastes, tags galore to explore, unidirectional interactions in the form of reblogs and likes. However, on tumblr it is more obvious, the loneliness. This is partly due to the fact that it is a blog community and feelings are posted ever so often. As great as it is to be able to tag and share and spread posts virally, this viral aspect also results in what I think of as "widespread sadness". You start with one post bemoaning loneliness and pretty soon, the entire community is made aware of how much they hate being lonely and single as well.
I'm not one to write how-to guides on these kinds of things; relationships and self-help are concepts relatively new to me. And yet tumblr has incensed me so much lately with these self-deprecating posts belittling the state of being single that I am driven to post this to express my own feelings. First and foremost: There is nothing wrong with being single. We should all strive for the state of being happy while single. These are months/days/years/decades dedicated to you. This is the time where you can do anything you wanted to do. You can laze about and play games all day. You can read hundreds of books. You can pick up another language or two or three. You can work on that one project you've always wanted to do. And it is all of these things that add to your being, not whether or not some other human being likes you, loves you, wants to bang you. Being in a relationship enriches your life on a different level, but it does not generate that inner peace and happiness that is reliant solely on your relationship with yourself. This is something that a certain subset of people need to understand.
It's hard. I know that it is. It's hard finding good things about yourself. It can be insanely difficult not to compare yourself to everyone around you. But there was this one concept that stuck with me when I was muddling around in the throes of my own self-dissatisfaction: people only let you see the highlight reel of your life, and this highlight reel is what you are comparing against your own lowlights. So don't be too hard on yourself. I discussed this with my boyfriend once, and yes, a certain amount of self-hatred can be acceptable if its only purpose is to serve as a self-motivator. If you are able to look at someone and think that you want to work on being as good as them or better, then that is it. That is the only instance in which self-hatred is acceptable. As soon as you use another person's achievements as something to berate and belittle yourself for over and over again, it is time to stop comparing yourself against them.
The thing is that it can be done. You can get out of the mental rut. I don't know exactly if there is some sort of magical, universal solution, but for me, it was proving to myself that I was capable. I pushed myself. I went out and did co-op. I went into it with so many misgivings and insecurities, and I came out of it a better person. This I am sure of. Meeting more, good-quality people who were kind but who were also flawed (and these were older folks who were more secure about themselves and perhaps were more willing to show their flaws) really helped me accept myself. I went and did yoga. I went for walks at lunch to clear my head. I exercised every night and lost enough weight to physically feel better. I became more aware of what my personal style was and instead of trying to make it fit a certain mold, I let it go and started to choose close to support and enhance it. I learned to take pride in who I was. I am a good, kind, smart person who looks reasonably well-kempt and appropriate for my age, stage of life, and surroundings. I may fall within the confines of "normalcy", but that is okay. Being a rebel is great, as is being edgy. But for what I wanted my life to be and for the person that I wanted to be, I realized that being a normal, functioning person in society was right for me.
I can't say for certain if my "transformation" had any causal effect on the fact that I got into a relationship some months afterwards, but there is a possibility. Confidence was a part of my demeanour now and I think that it showed. My boyfriend tells me now even that when I am brave enough to tell him things -- whether embarrassing or weird or quirky -- he respects and likes me more for having that confidence. Confidence is sexy. And if you can't bring yourself to love yourself "despite" being single, then you aren't ready for a relationship. As simple as that. And even if you are still single then, then it's okay because you've already found a certain love and acceptance: yourself.
There has been kerfuffle of sorts concerning one of my high school teachers. He allegedly had a relationship with one of his students. If this rumour is true, then I am disgusted. However, I am not so sure that this is true. Right now, this is just hearsay. Sure, there seems to be some evidence gleaned by word of mouth, but I firmly remain skeptical of this claim. In fact, I am incensed. I respect and admire this teacher -- it is not easy developing a decent band program out of basically nothing. The fact that everyone seems not to see this angers me and I have finally been able to collect my thoughts and feelings enough to write something more coherent than "YOU SHUT UP ALL OF YOU, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN BAND AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH BETTER HE MADE IT. *tears*"
For the sake of ease, let's refer to him as A.
One point made is that a few ex-students were contacted by the school board about this teacher. Apparently two female ex-students received letters saying something along the lines (and this is already a fuzzy bit) of "we would like more information on your experiences with A". What's important to note is who these two ex-students are. I myself am a female ex-student and a friend of mine also falls into that category, but neither of us received any such letter. Is there anything that separates these two ex-students from myself and my friend? Looking back on my days in class, I remember that both of these ex-students had altercations and disagreements with A. One of them, who I talked to and walked to class with sometimes, actually was dropped from the class because she refused to go on a big trip for the class. And when I say "big trip", I mean "this trip is pretty much our raison d'être this year, this is what we are working towards". This is something that A impressed on us many times throughout the year, and after becoming upset at this student for saying no to the trip, he essentially kicked her out of the class. A brash action? Yes, but A is a man who is passionate about his job and particularly about this class. We were his bread and butter, a stumbling bumbling creature expected to transform into a well-oiled machine in time for this grand trip. What was the point of keeping this student in his class if her goals obviously did not align with that of the rest of the group? The way I see it is that he saw her (and a few other students who felt the same way) as an unnecessary growth, so he cut her off. Again, this sounds cruel and brash, but think about it. We're talking about an area where perfection is the focus, and although perfection is nigh impossible to achieve, you do everything you can to get as close to it as possible. Because if you aren't perfect, you get booed off the stage. Everyone hears every mistake, everyone sees every little piece out of place, and they will judge you for it. This is a course so unlike any other -- with the exception of the other performing arts courses -- that you have to think about it and its instructor in a different way. If you're telling me that you can approach Social Studies the same way you can approach any of the performing arts, then I'd like to have a very long discussion with you about that.
In short, these two ex-students had "beef" with A (with the other ex-student also leaving the ensemble before year-end). But, you may be wondering, how would anyone know about this "beef"? Why would these two be contacted? The question I pose to you is: is it not plausible (and likely) that these two went to the school board with an earlier complaint about A? Neither of them were fond of the man, and both of them were passionate -- I had seen glimpses of it just in talking and seeing them. Would they not fight for the idea of personal justice they held so closely to their hearts? I'm not saying that this is what happened, but it does explain why they would have been contacted, and honestly, I would not rule out this possibility. But I digress.
At the root of it, I have to say that I am extremely saddened to see this accusations pointing at A. I have been in his company, just the two of us, a few times and I was completely at ease. He is not some sick pervert. What he is is a passionate teacher who is married to his work. His passion is what leads him to make some stupid decisions, I admit; it is not wise to remain with a female student in confined quarters, but not because I think that he would prey on the girl -- no, but for his own safety and prudence. He is a brilliant man, and so very talented in his field, but he does not make the best decisions in terms of prudence. If you'd actually sat in his class and listened to what he'd said, then you would've heard the fatigue, but you would've seen the complete devotion he had to his cause -- i.e. our band. He would do anything for our band if it meant making it, and any of the star players, better. I remember how he would tell us about how he'd stay up late working on trying to figure out how to make us better and how he would fall asleep at the wheel of his car -- mid-drive. This man thinks nothing of his own well-being. This is something that people have to understand. He does not think of what kinds of whispers will be said about him or about the physical hazards he imposes on himself. His focus is on the band. And if working with a key player in the band off school hours one-on-one is what he thinks it'll take, he'll do it, not even thinking about the consequences. Sure, he loved his students, but I never saw any hint of it being in an inappropriate manner. He loves his students like they are his children. So yes, when I hear that he drove this student in question somewhere, I am not surprised. I am only upset at how little a hold "rational judgment" seems to has on him.
Another point that people have brought up is that his alleged teenage lover (and student) has dropped out of school now as a result of this not-so-clandestine relationship. First of all, is this more hearsay? Did the girl actually say that yes, she did indeed drop out of school because she could not stand A's advances any longer? Or did she say yes, she did indeed drop out because everyone was talking about her? Well, to the second question, I'd like to say that my brother is in her grade and he was in band for a time so he knows and is on good terms with a lot of the band kids still. And after talking to him tonight, he has not heard a THING about this incident. Sure, he had noticed that this girl had dropped out, but he had heard nothing beyond that. If you want to call my brother out for being an unobservant ninny, then that's a separate issue that you can take up with me.
But I digress. The fact that the girl has dropped out of school may or may not be related to this "fiasco". There is no solid indication that the two events are related. We do not know what goes on behind the closed doors in her household abode. We can never truly know what happens in the 90% of someone's life that we don't see. We only get to see what they tell us, and even then, humans are not reliable reporters. We all have secrets, and we all have skeletons in our closets. The fact that her father is a local politician may give an indication as to what her home life may be like, but even then it would be unfair to infer much. If anything, the fact that her father is a local politician may relate to this situation with A. As a parent, you want to protect your child. If your child is hurt, you will seek revenge. This much I have gleaned from parents. If A really, truly did hurt this girl, then her father would presumably become involved. Okay, this may be where the school board comes in, but this could also be a prime time to pull the politician card and use that media attention to condemn A. Everyone likes a good story.
The story has gone through so many people that a lot of the details have been lost. They have also been diluted and been expanded. People trust their sources, I understand that completely. However, I do not trust their sources. I do not even trust myself -- I am aware that I have the power to manipulate stories when I retell them, and I do believe that I am guilty of this at times, although I do try actively to catch myself; and oh yes, I have caught myself. The thing is that people love a good story and they love having an audience who will react. Why do you think that whoppers and hyperboles exist? We are also creatures who pride ourselves in being very different from each other. We are all individuals. We all think differently and speak differently from each other. And from this beautiful set of differences, we misunderstand and miscommunicate. I am not condemning these actions, but I merely wish to recognize them.
Oh, and another thing. Notice how he's still teaching? Surprised? I'm not. He's still teaching because there is no evidence. If this was as serious as everyone makes it seem -- though that is perhaps something created by how viral this rumour has gone -- then he would be relieved of his position and he would be undergoing investigation right now. I know a student teacher who was at my high school for her practicum, and she drove home one of her students, a female, home after some sports practice one day. The girl developed a crush on this student teacher. In the end, what happened to this student teacher? Nothing. Because nothing happened. The fact that nothing has happened to A so far seems to indicate that the school board has not found the condemning evidence. Perhaps this is because it does not exist.
For me, it just hurts to see people -- who didn't even know A -- slag him and shake their heads at even the mention of his name in disgust. He is a man who seems to become the object of many students' hatred, and unfortunately it seems that this might have bit him in the ass this time. This is a shame. The man I know A to be is one that is dedicated, passionate, and selfless. I only wish that others, despite how he pressed their buttons, could see him in the same light.
... Besides, my mom believes him to be gay, no doubt about it. And we all know that mom is always right.
It looks like I am probably going to have to phone Motorola to see if they can shed any light on what's wrong with my phone, since it keeps getting stuck on the start-up animation and restarting over and over again in what is probably a case of an infinite loop. For all I know it's the battery, but my parents think it's too much work getting a new battery and they don't think that that's the problem. And that frustrates me to no end. Honest to goodness, a new battery is like $14 and they aren't willing to explore that option. I guess I can see their side of the argument, but right now $14 seems trivial if getting a new battery was the answer.
I think I'm partly so adamant on trying the battery thing first because I really really really would rather not phone Motorola. I don't enjoy making phone calls and the previous times when I've phoned cell phone companies, the representatives I've spoken to have given me a hard time. I mean, if that doesn't instill a weird kind of fear of calling phone carriers, I don't know what does.
So that leads me to looking at new phones. And with BestBuy's "Free Phone Fridays", I'm starting to explore options and try to start my research. My plan runs out at the end of August so that's just... 6 more months or so where I have to tough it out with this old LG Neon. I'm fairly against the idea of an iPhone, to be honest. Maybe it's my weird rebel mentality (yay rebel without a cause) or the fact that my first smartphone was indeed an Android one, but I don't understand the hype. In a way I do, but I don't want to be like everyone else. Brands and names have never meant much to me so getting an Android phone that isn't really well-known, but still has all of the wi-fi capabilities and a decently large app catalogue (which is kind of a given if it's an Android phone). That being said about Android phones and all, I am also seriously considering getting a Blackberry. I know that a lot of people have them, and somehow they don't seem to be very obnoxious about them. They look very professional and the QWERTY keyboard is something that I actually do like about my LG Neon. Plus Blackberry also has an app world and for all I know, I could be a co-op student for RIM during one of my 4 co-op work terms. The only thing about the Blackberry for me that makes me iffy is the fact that it isn't (generally?) a touchscreen. And once you go touchscreen, you can't go back (or so I heard). Granted, the virtual keyboards on touchscreens are crap, there's something about the functionality and/or navigation that just... feels good. And natural.
I'm also looking into the Samsung Focus with it's Windows 7 OS, but the browser is IE and I hate IE with a passion (it's a given if you're in CPSC, I think).
Well, we'll see about the phone thing. I've still got months to sort it out. If RIM takes me on as a co-op student, that could definitely be a deciding factor. I mean, gotta be loyal to my employer, right?
Anyhow, cue Reading Break! :)
Ohhh Twitter, how you have become my go-to news source now that I have no time to read newspapers and watch news reports. Today was certainly an exciting day in the NHL. As the St. Louis game yesterday was postponed due to inclement weather (that was supposed to affect eastern Canada, too, but kind of died before reaching us), I was expecting more announcements of games being cancelled today. But I suppose that after yesterday's 13 games, today would be fewer and they wouldn't feature cities affected by this blizzard. I found this article on why Americans hate hockey the other day. Interesting read, though I don't really agree with the things they foresee/hope for in hockey's future.
My free time is being dedicated to this right now (see right). Actually, I didn't have much free time today (Stats assignment! Studying for 221! Studying for 101! 121 paper! 221 lab! 213 lab!), but I wasn't in the mood for doing anything directly school-related. On the other hand, this fansite thing that I'm working on will look good on my resumé especially to web developing companies, and in regards to co-op. In other words, yeah, this is going to be my "personal project". And I'm kind of loving it. I have a little notebook dedicated to designing it and I've got the basic layout already done up in Dreamweaver. I can't wait to get the final product out and hopefully start on my own personal web page/portfolio that has been shoved into the back burner time and time again. I've got more ideas this time, and a focus on the word "SIMPLE". Simplicity is something I lacked and ignored in all of my previous webpages (it was designed using a web browser that had an adblocker, I think, so that's why the alignment is off, by the way). I'll blog more about it when it comes closer to completion.
[real life rants/rambles]
I woke up very sore this morning. I thought that maybe I had been super active last night, but then I remembered my horrible bus ride yesterday afternoon on my way home. So I didn't budge ahead in line, despite knowing someone much farther ahead of me, and I ended up standing on an absolutely packed 49 bus right at the very back. Well, on the highway from UBC to Dunbar, some jerk switched to the lane the bus was in and the bus driver had to slam on the brakes. First point I want to make: HIGHWAY. Second point I want to make: SPEED LIMIT ON HIGHWAY. Third point I want to make: MIDDLE SEAT AT THE BACK OF THE BUS. I held on for dear life, and did fairly well in retaining some dignity, though my arm was tensed and my corresponding hand was gripping the pole. And then just at the peak of the stop, the guy (180 pounds?) sitting in the middle at the back of the bus flew forward and crashed into me, pushing me into the guy standing next to me. I am not even kidding about how the guy flew forward. All I know is that today I am hella sore.
So I'm planning a Guitar Hero party and I'm looking at either Feb. 14 or 15. I won't go and give you all a long diatribe on how much I detest Valentine's Day (not worth anyone's time or effort), but because I *do* know some folks in relationships who are Guitar Hero beasts, I'm not going to do it on the 14th. (But if you would like to hang out on the 14th, I am so there. I need some socialization. Like, with real people who I know won't annoy me because I've known them for so long and so I am more than okay with their quirks.) I'm still grappling with my issue of who to invite since I don't want to totally exclude those who wouldn't want to play, but are my longtime friends, and at the same time keeping in mind that my basement can probably hold 11 or 12 people max. And since I'm inviting some CPSC folks, it's like I'm juggling and running through scenarios where I try to get personalities to mesh. I also cannot stop inviting CPSC people to this thing. =_____= I think it's because I want to show off my beautiful, smart, funny, nice friends.
[/real life]
Ahhhh, things are so stressful right now. Damn, not such a pretty life.
(Psssst, Jakalope's Canadian)
[EDIT: Fixed up my grammar since I wrote this entry with my eyes half-closed. Also...]
DISCLAIMER: Upon further reflection and about 6.5 hours of sleep, I realized that I don't really give a flying fig about what the Fare Card's named. The only translink-related project I care about is some sort of rapid transportation to UBC along the Broadway corridor. I'm just not fond of what the choices have been whittled down to.
This is going to sound so ridiculously stupid, but... I just found out that the Blackberry is a Canadian product. And the company behind it, RIM (Research in Motion) is known for taking on a lot of "fresh, young" co-op students. Rad. But yeah, I finally understand all the hype about RIM now. *epic headdesk*
[ranty Metro Vancouver-related ramble ahead! You have been warned!]
- Tpass: Yes, the 'T' is kind of our symbol for transit/translink/transportation around the city (so the description says, though I've never noticed any such signage), but this name can so easily be manipulated to be as such: TP-ass. Toilet. Paper. Ass. On this basis alone, this option should be banhammered and whoever suggested it should be told of urbandictionary.com or acronymfinder. Honestly. If the letters "ass" are in anything, you can guarantee that some young people will manipulate the letters so that there is some sort of emphasis on it. The TP is just icing on the cake.
- Compass: Can you say 'generic'? Does anyone in Vancouver even carry a compass? Maybe the woodsy hippie folks, but certainly not the hipsters or anyone who has GPS or access to a phone with a data plan. The fact that translink's description for this option includes "signage for the world over" just made this name that less personal. How can Vancouverites relate to it when it could just as easily be the name of a fare card in Nepal?
- Starfish: Wait, wait, hold up. "The Starfish is a simple, colourful and striking icon of the Pacific West Coast" Every time I read this sentence, I can just feel a look of bewilderment and confusion cross my face. Since when has the starfish been an icon of the west coast?! Not that Wikipedia's the most reliable source in the world, but I quote: "There are 2,000 living species of starfish that occur in all the world's oceans, including the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian as well as in the Arctic and the Southern Ocean (i.e., Antarctic) regions." When I think of starfish, my mind jumps to Hawaii or some sort of tropical paradise with tons of colourful fish. I think that 'Seagull Card' would be more apt than 'Starfish Card'. The only starfish you can find in Vancouver are in tanks at the Aquarium.
Aug
26 Atlanta , GA Masquerade
27 Springfield , VA Jaxx
28 Philly, PA Trocadero
30 NYC, NY Grammercy Theater
31 Worcester, MA Palladium
Sept
2 Montreal,QC Club Soda
3 Quebec City,QC The Imperial
4 Toronto,ON MOD Club
6 Cleveland ,OH Peabodys
7 Detroit ,MI Blondies
8 Chicago,IL Bottom Lounge
9 Minneapolis,MN Station 4
12 Seattle ,WA El Corazon
13 Portland,OR Peters Room
15 LA ,CA House of Blues
16 Tempe , AZ Clubhouse
17 SLC,UT The Complex
18 Denver ,CO Bluebird Theater
20 Dallas,TX Trees
21 Houston,TX Scout Bar
23 Orlando,FL Club Firestone
With my CPSC 221 project done and out of the way, I can now focus on the bazillion and one other things I have to do. These include my unfinished 221 lab, 213 lab, 221 written assignment, and studying for a 213 quiz on Tuesday. Unfortunately these things aren't due until next week or so. This can only mean one thing: Procrastination.
Oh, and this coming weekend is the NHL All-Star weekend!! Which means very little work is going to get done.
That being said, I feel like if I just get down to it, I will get things done. That's strangely how things seem to work out for me; I struggle and whine and try my best, and sometimes with a little help, things work out okay in the end. I just wish that the struggling would diminish.
I swear to God, I cannot sit at the back of the long/articulated bus in the mornings anymore. And the reason is that there's this couple always sitting back there. And they talk. And PDA all over the goddamn place. I just want to sleep, thank you very much. So I sit with all the single riders at the back of the front half, even though I feel like I should be sitting on the back since I get off at the last stop and all. Eurgh.
These past few days I haven't been getting any good amounts of sleep so I've been passing out on the bus. Luckily it's always been for just the right about of time. I should be sleeping now and catching up, but you know me. I must subconsciously be a masochist. Or maybe I'm just afraid of the next day coming so quickly. I don't know.
Volunteering today was good. I am in no way a good teacher, but it seems like my two students are starting to get the hang of reading music, though very very slowly. I'm starting to wonder what it was like for me when I was learning how to read music and play piano. It was so very long ago that I have absolutely no recollection of it; I just have a codex in my head of all the notes and key signatures and things. Though, it's definitely something that comes with practice.
Admittedly, the best part of the day was when my students asked me to play something and I played an intro to something I wrote back in grade 11 and they really liked it. :) +50 SELF-ESTEEM.
... is it weird to have started playing the piano at the age of 5? I mean, my students were surprised when I told them, but then they're in grade 3 now, which is... 8 years old or so? But whatever, I never did ARCT so any sort of "oooh ahhh" factor to that fact is negated by my noobiness. It's just that everyone I know who plays the piano that I've talked to started at an early age (usually 5-6).
And to me, this has been old-ish news for a while now, but the fact that OH NOES internet usage will be charged for in Canada is finally making waves in the news! Admittedly, I see the lucrative side of this and I totally understand why companies would want to do this. But this also makes me sad because I don't have oodles of money to feed my internet addiction. :( Sorry, mom and dad. Also, this whole "Canadians are too plugged in to their computers/Internets/social media/etc." point reminds me of how Blenz is going to be offering red bands to single people to put on their coffee to show that said coffee-drinker is single and ready to mingle. Vancouver is a sad sad city, is all I have to say.
Also, I made friends today with my 221 lab partner's friend. They know each other from the shared year or two at the private school they both attended (before one did IB -- OVERACHIEVER ALERT!). I am sad to say that west side private school kids are not as bad as I thought they were. I mean, they're nice guys. And smart. It seems highly unfair that they are nice, smart, AND rich. The only thing is that I get the feeling that they are bit hoity-toity. Like, I swore in front of them and they seemed extremely bothered by it. Did they not understand that I was under intense pressure to finish a project on top of a 6:30AM wake-up?! Oh right, yeah, west side kids' commute to UBC is like half of mine. [/rant] Okay, yes, I'm jealous. I admit it. I'm probably about as green as the Green Giant now. Lovely. It's unbecoming, I know, but it's not like I care.
Have a comic!:
No, not the movie!
This is my 300th blog entry!
I was snooping around snopes.com (yes, that was intentional), and found this entry on that whole "change your Facebook profile picture to a cartoon" campaign. While on the friend's account I have access to a month or so ago, I recall someone asking in their status how this would do anything, and a horde of people commented on that status, chastising said someone for doubting the awareness raised by the campaign. I have to say that I remained skeptical throughout the whole thing. When a rumour started that this campaign was false and instead was encouraging pedophiles, I just shook my head. After having read the entry on snopes.com regarding this movement, I have to agree with Barbara Mikkelson's thoughts on "slacktivism". If people really gave a damn about trying to stop child abuse, they would do something more than just change a silly picture. True, the initial campaign started with a good premise of bringing the issue of child abuse to light, but the number of people who went beyond the simple act of changing their profile pictures is probably close to none. Sure, people probably actually thought the words "oh child abuse, what horrible horrible stuffs" upon hearing of the campaign, but is that really raising awareness? If that's awareness, then it was fleeting. If people really truly think that simply changing their profile picture is going to make a difference, then we are in a sad state.
I dunno, it's a tricky business trying to read past the basic premises of these sorts of things. Child abuse should be ended, there's no doubt about it. It's just that when people think that they are high and mighty for changing their profile pictures and are making a big difference, that's a bit much for me to believe. I just wanted to get this off my chest, I guess.
Today I slept in some, but I had to retrieve my Math 200 textbook from a friend at 2PM so I was up in time to do that. Unfortunately after walking around in the cold, I came back home with a woozy head and mild headache. Thankfully going to see my grade 8 & 9 French teacher definitely cleared my head. It's always nice talking to her and catching up since there's really a weird relationship between my family and hers. Or rather, her husband's, but hers too, now. Anyhow, I gave her a box of truffles for Christmas as well as my e-mail address since she wants to keep in touch with me more. She also ranted about the whole teenage obsession with alcohol, though her kids don't drink despite being allowed to at home. No wonder I think of her as my crazy white mom. In fact, my mom calls her my Dutch mom. Regardless, I love that woman! So nice and welcoming!
On the topic of things my (real) mom says and high school teachers, I mentioned to her that I ran into my Geo teacher today as well. Surprisingly he remembered my name. Cue conversation:
Mom: Wow, he remembered your name? That's pretty good since you only had him for one year.
Me: Yeah, but I did well in his class.
Mom: I guess you were one of his... GeoPets!
Me: ...
Mom: GET IT? LIKE NEOPETS!
Me: I know. *facewall*
That is my life every day, folks.
Anyway, I will make myself scarce tomorrow so I can study music theory like the nerd that I am, and after my exam on Saturday morning, I will be free!
Here's a .gif I found on the Uncyclopedia article about Canada. If this is srsly what Canada's all about, then Canada is undoubtedly awesome:
Dear stupid ass high school hooligans,
I get that yesterday was Diwali, celebration of lights. I do. Really. And I think that it was awesome to see Little India (aka Main & 49th) decorated with balloons and other festive items yesterday. It made me love Vancouver a little more with its cultural diversity.
However, I do not appreciate you lighting firecrackers in the alley by my house. I also do not appreciate you lighting firecrackers and tossing them into my neighbour's yard or mine. You also apparently toss these lit firecrackers under cars when parents are picking up their kids from school. I certainly hope that the high school administrators don't catch you doing that. We wouldn't want anything bad happening to you, would we?
That being said, there is a park half a block away. Perhaps it would be a little safer and exhilarating to have your fun frolicking with your beloved firecrackers in the vast openness of that field. Go on, I dare you. I bet you don't have the guts to do it, do ya?
Oh noes the open air! Oh noes the grass! It's everywhere!!!
OH NOES THE LACK OF PEOPLE CALLING THE COPS OR PRINCIPAL ON YOU. OH NOESSSSSS.
Thinking of you,
Me
---
And just to screw with people:
cpsc 211 co op interview photo album code
Hope you had fun reading an irrelephant blog post! :D
It's the start of a glorious two-week break which means I have time to bitch and moan on the internet (namely my blog) as well as work on some writing.
And as much as I can bitch about how much Canadian stuff sucks in comparison to (some) American products/markets/bands/entertainment/patriotism/gusto/etc., I actually do house a fiercely Canadian girl inside. It's just easier for me (and what I think would be less annoying) to be a grump about everything. Besides, I only have so much energy to fangirl about things.
I woke up in a strange way this morning. I was in the middle of a bad dream when I was jolted awake by my alarm. When I woke up, I was just lying on my back with my arms like glued to my sides. I dunno about you, but I've never woken up like that. And maybe it was because I was in the middle of a dream, but I woke up exhausted and I remained that way for the whole day. I fell asleep on the bus on the way to school, and on the way back home. I am currently thanking myself for my day off tomorrow.
My bad dream was... strange. I remember some sort of factory setting with conveyor belts. Then I remember this dark red/brown mansion with a winding road leading up to it (which kind of looked cartoonish because of the vibrant colours). Somehow I ended up inside and my mom was there belittling and berating me and all I know is that I just kept crying and everyone was mad at me for crying which only made me cry harder.
I guess I've had worse dreams, but I just felt really really really crappy. And this is probably the last dream (that I was consciously aware of/remembered) I've had in a month's time.
And following my dream-mom's biting words, today my brother was working on an assignment where he had to discuss some Canadian cities that were worth visiting. One of the ones my mom suggested was Victoria. So my brother's sitting there thinking of what to say about BC's boring-ass capital city and he asks my mom, "What's good about Victoria?"
I was in the room at the time, working on my own homework and I wasn't aware of what he was talking about so I gave a big "What!?"
My mom answered by saying, "I don't know what's good about Victoria, she can't even get a gay guy to like her, never mind a straight one."
My reaction: a combination of D: & T____T
My mom's response: "Oh well, Thomas is one I guess, but he barely even knows you so he doesn't count."
Jesus frickin' Christ.
I don't even know how I feel about that. I mean, I love my mom, but the combination of that bad dream and what she said was just kind of... Yuck and bad feelings all over.
I am so tired of everyone pushing for this "ideal" situation of "get a boyfriend (to be politically correct) significant other, get married, have kids, yay". You don't need all that business to live a rich, full life. Maybe my mind will change later, but I hate kids and I'm happy with the life I'm leading right now (okay, a little more creative freedom + INSPIRATION would be nice). And not everyone gets to live that "ideal" situation so stop pushing for it. There are tons of alternative lifestyles out there. Yes, I get that people just want the "best" but in the end I just want to be self-sufficient, independent, and happy.
I guess, what I'm trying to say is:
DON'T BOTHER ME ABOUT BOYFRIENDS, ETC. RIGHT NOW PLS. I LIKE SINGLE LIFE, MY GAY BFFS, AND WRITING. Eye candy is nice, though. ;D
THIS IS MY BIG "MUST LEARN" PIECE FOR THE NEXT YEAR OR SO.
And it's all because of this. D:
Beautiful cover. And I still think that Michael Nyman's being rather close-minded for disallowing this cover to be released. Srsly. He said that he doesn't like how it has electric guitar or that it's heavy.
For Pete's sake it's a COVER. Artists are supposed to change it up, otherwise it's a blatant ripoff of the original.
Yes, I'm probably very partial to this because it's Nightwish, but I do see MUCH MORE VALID reasons Nyman could claim. He could say that the original feel/meaning of the song is lost with this cover, or that the lyrics don't reflect what the song means to him.
But honestly, stating that it's the instrumentation that you don't like?!
And then there are the rumours that upon listening to Nightwish's version -- they sent it in to seek approval for release -- Nyman burned the tape.
Regardless, I think that this is a very cool/bombastic/rich cover of a lovely song.
The lyrics (as far as we've deciphered on Last.fm):
Silent night surrounding meEDIT: So I just tried playing it in my cold cold dining room, with my cold cold fingers. But my heart felt so warm. :) Gonna take a while for my fingers to coordinate properly again (srsly, my right hand wants to play what my left hand is supposed to -- EX-LEFTY FAIL). I don't want to do any schoolwork (though I'm behind due to last night's work shift), I just want to play some music. :D
On the shore of wistful sea
My kindest heart made me believe
The promise I wish it to be
We'll bear the wait
Years for your heart
Little hideaways for a lonely heart
Cast away into the sea
The good in me, the child within
The cruelest heart made me forget
In moments I wish it to be
Hold inside my last fire
You will conquer death by dawn
Slave to the toil, this mortal coil
Risked by the siren that voyage
We'll bear the wait
Years for your heart
An end for winter morn
Calling us, the sirens of the dark
Frozen moments in time
Little hideaways, the meadows of life
Little hideaways for a lonely heart
We'll bear the wait
Years for your heart
Little hideaways for a lonely heart
Silent night surrounding me
On the shore a voice so sweet
My kindest heart made me believe
The promise I wish it to be
OH DAMN, NANOWRIMO STARTS TOMORROW. T^T
I am insanely tired nowadays. It makes me sad.
I have no time to play the piano. That makes me sad too.
Technically, I could be playing right now (since I'm procrastinating and all) but OH THE GUILT.
Today, when I was writing an in-class essay for English, I realized something else I've missed.
I mean, yeah, I've known and moped about this one for a week, but today, it became so real.
Pen to paper must be some sort of relationship that was meant to be. It felt glorious to be able to just write, to put down what I thought, even if it was on a topic I wasn't excited about writing on. Maybe it's just the sleep deprivation and the little overemotional side of me, but if I think about all the shit I could be doing instead of studying, writing notes, and doing homework that might never ever apply to my life ever again, I feel like crying. I don't enjoy this at all. And isn't that what life's all about -- enjoyment?
I wrote some lyrics in the summer while I was at work, but prose is something I haven't let out since... July. And the year drags on. If I go to sleep, I wake up to the same story. Notes, homework, unhappiness squared.
But maybe those are just things that tempt my soul. Yes, I'm in computer science, and yes, I do like working with computers (generally). But sometimes I feel like I just can't get it. Like, if the prof asks questions in class, I get what he's talking about. When he tells us to write a program that does something, I'm drowning. And I just can't bring myself to do a goddamn thing about it. In a way, yes, I want to do this. I want to have a stable job with decent pay, doing something I'm not totally opposed to.
And yet I could be doing so much more.
Go on, tell me that music doesn't heal people as much as computer programming does.
I dare you.
The main problem with working my job is dealing with people, I'd say.
Sure, you do get some really nice people, some honest people, and some flirty bastards, but in the end I find that I'm sick and tired of human beings.
WARNING: THIS BLOG POST WILL CONTAIN MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SWEARS. AND THEY WON'T JUST BE FOR THE LULZ.
---
Honestly, when you go and bitch at someone, are you seriously expecting something to be accomplished?
Just in the last shift I worked, I came so close to totally bitching back at people.
[I think I handle fear much better than anger.]
Get a freakin' reality check. Put yourself in that person's shoes. You wouldn't want to be bitched at. You wouldn't want someone pushing the same words into your face. You wouldn't want someone to assume that you're a brainless idiot and repeat their instructions over and over again.
GODDAMMIT, I WORK WITH MONEY. I SELL THINGS. NO SHIT I'M GOING TO WANT YOU TO PAY. SO DON'T TELL ME YOU'LL PAY HALF AND YOUR FRIEND WILL PAY THE OTHER HALF AND TOTALLY NOT EVEN GIVE ME THE MOTHEREFFING MONEY WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE.
I think the worst part is being treated like a motherfrickin' idiot. Yes, I'm a teenager. Yes, I look young. But it's not like I don't understand English. It's not like I don't understand how money works. I've handled money for years now. Or do you really not trust my employer to have hired someone capable.
---
At least I've found that my co-workers are alright people for the most part.
And it's probably just the hormones talking, but oh how I wish for someone yummy (and my age) in our department.
Sometimes I feel like how I am on the outside is nothing like who I am on the inside and I just wish that I didn't have all these expectations built up around me, keeping me a certain way.
Okay, that's all for today. :)
Want to know what I think?
No, you probably don't.
Don't nod and pretend that you do.
It's okay. I'm a big girl, my feelings won't be hurt.
Luckily for you, I don't care whether you want to know what I think or not. Because I'm going to tell you. Whether you want to know or not.
It seems like every time I step out into reality -- because let's face it, school is not reality, home is not reality, and the internet is not reality -- I lose a little more faith in mankind. Okay okay, so maybe I'm being just a tiny bit facetious about the whole "reality" thing, but when you actually go out and work, you kind of realize that no one cares. No one coddles you and no one's there to look after you. True, when you're first starting, they want to start you off on the right foot, and they'll catch as many mistakes as possible. But after they have some semblance of confidence in you, you're on your own.
I digress. I'm not here to talk about the realities of the workplace (because believe it or not, once I get into it, I really like working). I'm going to natter on today about how empty-headed people are.
In short, it disgusts me. So I met a bunch of my new co-workers yesterday (the majority being teenage girls, mostly younger than me) and they are so typical. The manager makes a joke, they try too hard to laugh, try too hard to act cool. They try so damn hard not to seem naive and new to the working world. But really, what annoyed me the most was how they acted like they owned it.
I'm not even going to get into what they were wearing because I really try not to judge based on appearance. I reiterate, try.
They laugh at the silliest things. They try to act like being "rebellious" is cool. Okay, rule number one in the workplace: be professional. If you're going to text your friends, do it on your own time, please. Don't you find it a little bit awkward when the manager comments on your texting? Actually, the whole phone bit really annoys me. Maybe it's because I don't use my phone a whole lot, but there's a time and place for everything. When you're dealing with work, less is probably more.
What I don't understand is how some people act like they already own the place, like they're already the manager's pet or something. And then they go and act "cute" or "funny" for the rest of the meeting. The only people who have any right to act a little bit like they "own the place" are returning workers, or maybe even people who have worked before. Sadly, those are the quieter people who listen attentively and don't turn to jabber with a friend.
And what's with that? Is it like everyone has to work somewhere only if their friend is doing it? Generally, I can see that for a big corporation, but these people joined in groups to try and work together this summer. Work is for work relationships. Outside work is for family/friend relationships. It just keeps things easier that way. I don't know. It just seems ridiculous to me to sign up with a decent-sized group of friends to work somewhere. Yeah, yeah, work is supposed to be fun, but to start cliquey is not the best way to befriend other co-workers. Maybe it's just me.
I am definitely not going to comment on the Taylor Swift concert a bunch of them were giggling about.
"Our seats were the most blahblahblah!"
"No, ours were!"
Society seems to have a base intelligence of 0, where 80% of the population follows trends and the media blindly and like to pretend that they've got attitude. They think that they're the best. They think that they're some sort of super special awesomesauce just waiting to be discovered. I admit that maybe there are a few of them who are awesomesauce. I only wish that they would stop acting like weaksauce.
About Me
- Delusion-Elle
- some whiny chick from Vancouver, Canada. I blog about whatever tickles my fancy. Usually, that consists of hockey, music, and my day-to-day life.
Last.fm
Other
